strong, independent woman.

Recently, I've been wondering what I want people to view me as when I'm gone. That thought has always been in my mind, but it has taken more of a precedence within the last 6 months. After long, restless nights of tossing, turning and mind racing, I was able to come up with the simple statement:

"I want to be a strong, independent woman."

That phrase, to me, is controversial in the sense that by making this claim people will view you in a few different ways. One half may think you are "too independent for a man" and the other half may think, "you're a lesbian." Two of things that I honestly have no problem with, but not exactly who I am. So in this, I want to explain what a strong, independent woman means to me.

I am a woman. I have experienced love and heartbreak more times than I want to admit. I have gone through financial difficulty, and financial security. I pay for my own rent, gas, groceries, bills and social life, with a job that pays under $10 an hour. Granted, it's been difficult, and I have had blessings from friends that have made my life more comfortable. However, I believe being independent runs deeper than finances.

In my last relationship, I was extremely dependent. If I needed to do something or have something done, he was the first one I called. He paid for food, gas on road trips, and multiple other things. I also depended on him emotionally.

After our relationship ended, dependency fell onto my own shoulders. If something needed to be done, I learned how to fix it. If something emotional happened in my life, of course my friends offered a listening ear, but I worked on it myself. My heart belonged to me. It was mine. My life was my own. There is something so freeing about having your own room and your own happiness.

Does that mean I don't want a man? Absolutely not. I love relationships. But there is something that being single teaches women. It teaches us that we are strong. That we have what it takes to get through rough times and to come out of it smiling. To be strong is someone who is good, and treats others the way they want to be treated. To love enemies even when they don't love or respect them back. To hold their own opinions, but open enough to know that they may not have all the answers. To open a listening ear and give advice to loved ones, no matter how hard the advice is to give. To love with your whole heart, but to never give it to anyone who doesn't fight for it. To be independent is to hold your own. It does not be to be hard hearted or cold. Or to never take advice, or help from others. It doesn't mean you are too proud to accept blessings. It means you give up things that matter for the greater good of those around you. To those you love.

I want to be a strong, independent woman. And that is what I am working towards.