whoops.

haven't written in a super long time. sorry.

i have been struggling with something. not really financially (which i kind of am), or with friends, or relationships or whatnot, but with something that i am not sure if i am going to be able to describe.

i don't know how to balance.

i need to learn the trick of balancing my christian walk with my regular day life. or let's go even further and saying, living out my christian walk, just by walking. does that make sense? i have noticed in the past year that when i get super into God, for example not being able to talk about anything else, or just reading books or reading the bible or almost seculding myself from the world just to spend more time with Him, I almost lose sight of Him and become depressed. it is an odd feeling. but when i am walking my life and barely read books or the bible, and just talk with Him once or twice a day and move on my merry way, i feel like im not being a "good christian" by not "spending time with Him" or challenging myself in a deeper level.

does anyone else go through this? or is going through this? what is wisdom that i can take from someone else concerning this?

his voice.

i finally heard God's voice. just now. for the first time in (what feels like) such a long time.

He literally just spoke this to me.

(paraphrased.) "Annie, you are going to need to get to know me through a relationship. People are telling you to do this, to do that. Right now, I do not care about those things. I will handle them in time. But for right now, get to know me. Get to know who I am, and what I am all about. This will happen with a relationship with me. Not because you did something right or wrong. Or because you made a good or bad decision. Right now, I want you to know me."

:) okay. Lord, lover of my soul, i'll do it.