an unmarried woman

if you follow me on social media, you know recently that i bought a new house, 😂. i am 100% unashamed of how much i have posted about it...and i will explain why below.

i grew up in a childhood where all of the females were married and had kids before the age of 30. they bought homes with their significant other, had either careers or were stay at home moms, etc. i was proud and so incredibly excited for each and every one of them. i loved going to the bridal and baby showers, the weddings, the house warmings, etc. i figured, since they had all "started their life" before the age of 30, i would too. it was just a matter of time before it was my turn to find my "happily every after"

i found myself at age 26, single, no kids, no house, no prospects. i kept thinking "when will life start for me?"

now, i find myself at age 29, and realize it already did.

you see, after the example of "married, family, and house before age of 30" is set before you by the women in your life, you automatically assume that is how life works. and when it doesnt, is when the thief of joy (comparison) swoops in and steals your happiness. every break up feels 1000 times worse. every failed offer on a house feels 1000 times worse. sometimes, even when you get your period, your thought process is "i dont have many of these eggs left. another one bites the dust." (sorry if that was TMI, but its true).

after 3 and a half years of house searching, and many break ups later, at age 29 i found myself crying on the bed after my 7th house offer was rejected. i truly thought i was spiraling downward, and worried about falling into another depression.

and then i found the home on forestville road.

the most beautiful oasis i ever did see. i will not bore you with details of the house and the home buying process, but if you want to know the story (its actually really cool), i can tell you about it sometime over wine or coffee.

needless to say, the home is perfect. the seller was a dream. the due diligence period was seamless. the appraisal was perfect. and the entire process was nothing short of enjoyable.

at closing, i was looking at the documents i needed to sign, and it said it RIGHT THERE,

Name: Annie Laurie McGee
Gender: Female
Marital Status: An Unmarried Woman

not "single," not "N/A" not just "unmarried" it said an unmarried woman.

that line hit me so weird. i said something about it at my closing to the attorney. i said, "oh. hahaha, instead of single it says, 'an unmarried woman.'" The closing attorney said, "Oh, yeah. That is such a weird way of saying it. I am so sorry. Some lenders use different phrases. I hope it doesnt offend you."

i thought it was so weird to state Gender as Female, and then as marital status "an unmarried woman." why do you ask for my gender if you are going to state i am an unmarried woman right after? for men, do they have "an unmarried man" I wonder? I am actually very curious to know if they do. is it more of a liability if its an unmarried woman vs an unmarried male? (the world may never know...)

i responded back with, "actually, i like the way it sounds. i like it phrased that way. lets keep going."

i am an unmarried woman who has the ability to buy herself a home. i was able to get through college, 3 different jobs/companies, live on my own for over 10 years, and save up enough money to buy my own house without a man.

can i just stop and be excited about that thought for a second? whenever i think again of the phrase, an unmarried woman i just wanna scream with excitement now. all i can think of is "I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!!"

i am a strong, independent woman. i have been able to do all of this without another human being. i dont need a spouse in order to start my happily ever after. of course, that is not to say i dont ever want to get married and have kids, but through this process i have seen that God is the only one i need. HE is the power behind my ability to not need anyone else in this life. Sure, a lot of things would have been easier with a spouse. helping choose a home, figure out how to make an offer on a home, packing up all the items in my house, figuring out what to toss and what to keep, picking up items for the new house, helping to pay for the home inspections, the cost of the down payment, designing the space, and painting (LORD THE PAINTING, ughhh).

sure. all of that would have been easier with someone beside me. and i do have a great boyfriend right now who has been helping with my errand running, and a sister who has already helped me begin to paint, and i am so incredibly happy and appreciative of the help during this time. but its different. its different to go through something like this on your own, when you thought the only way to do it was with a husband.

i love learning and experiencing these types of revelations in my life.

if you are an unmarried woman, i encourage you to go to your nearest mirror, and look into it at yourself. say out loud, "i am an unmarried woman. and look at how far i have come on my own. i am strong, i am powerful, i am able to do anything i want. i am enough. i am my own happily ever after."

i love you all. so very much. and if you are a struggling unmarried woman, lets chat :) i want to encourage you and show you your strength. and that you are enough.

whoa is it already 2019?

I decided to start writing blog posts again. I know many of the people I connect with on Social Media may not read it, but I figured it would be kind of like a journal of my thoughts and learned lessons. Coming from that viewpoint, maybe it can help give people a little perspective, wisdom and encouragement so they don’t have to experience the same things I have gone through. Maybe my pain and suffering can help alleviate that from others.

The last 5 months have been a big emotional struggle. I ended things with my long term boyfriend who I thought would be the person I was going to spend my life with. He is an incredible human being who I love deeply, but I realized that relationships require more than just love. They require effort, sacrifice, selflessness, and a heap of other things. I am so thankful for the relationship I had, and every time I think of my past love, I wish him well and hope for the best for him.

Unfortunately, I did not have that mentality the first 3 months following our break-up. I was heartbroken and not sure how to survive in my “new normal.” I became increasingly depressed and had somewhat of an identity crisis. Sadly, through this rough transition period, I met another incredible human who really loved me. I wanted so badly to love him back, but found I couldn’t fully give my heart to him. That bothered me to the nth degree. I wanted to be able to run into his arms and finally settle down with a man who was giving me everything I ever wanted, and that was lacking from all other men I dated. But sometimes life is not that simple. 

I see a lot of parallel in my life in relation to Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote the book “Eat, Pray, Love.” Though our stories and situations are vastly different, after reading some of her book and seeing the movie, I know exactly the type of emotions she was struggling with internally. Seeing her feeling imprisoned in her relationship and “wanting more,” and turning around and going right into another toxic relationship, was incredibly scary to watch. To see that the relationship was toxic, even though the people were not horrible people in the relationship. It just wasn't the right thing, or the right timing. 

There was a part in the movie when she is speaking with her friend in her office telling her about her plan for the year (go to Italy, see David's Guru in India, and end the year in Bali). Her friend tries to tell her how she belongs in America, and how she has a support system right there. Elizabeth then explains how she feels she cannot give any of the people who love her any kind of love and support, because she felt like there is nothing left inside of her. Like she doesn't even have a pulse. She yearned to find a greater meaning in life than where she was. I know that exact scary feeling. Of wanting to experience freedom externally so she could feel it internally. She didn't feel like herself. Even though she had no idea who she was. That's a scary place to find yourself. 

After speaking with my counselor recently, I have come to realize I am the literal definition of a “people pleaser.” There is a huge difference between being a “helper” and a “people pleaser.” My whole life I thought I was a “helper” but it turns out, its turned to the toxic side of people pleasing. It’s a fine line that I crossed somewhere along the road.

Growing up as a middle child, I always craved attention. I wanted my family to like me, and to be proud of me. So while growing up, I calculated when I received the attention and praise from my family and friends. I kept it in the back of my mind so that when I wanted attention or praise, I would become a performer. I would either be silly, or goofy, or loud, obnoxious, high energy, a good Christian, a singer, dancer, soccer player, actress….you name it. If I received attention from a certain “act” I was performing, you better believe I kept that in my back pocket to pull out when I was lacking in the attention department.

This, has sadly, turned extremely toxic into my personal life. I ended up getting into relationships and putting on a performance. I would figure out what my friends liked about me, or what my boyfriend was interested in, and then in return I became that person, and became interested in those things as well. Not in order to “appreciate” them because he loved them, I wanted to love those things so he would see that in me and give me love back. I am now almost 29, and have absolutely no idea what I love. I don’t have any major hobbies, anything I enjoy doing other than hanging out with my sister, my friends, or watching movies on Netflix. I started recognizing that the things I “loved” or enjoyed doing, were all based out of previous relationships. Coffee? Past relationship. Camping? Past relationship. Hiking? Past relationship. Learning guitar? Past relationship. Writing poetry? Past relationship. Swimming? Past relationship. GOING TO CHURCH? Past relationship. (ouch…that one hurt to admit). Going to the movies? Past relationship. Sneakers/Adidas? Past relationship. Theater? Past relationship. Cooking? Past relationship.

You get the idea.

And some of you may argue…well hey! Those were all learning experiences to see what you like and who you are! However, I have come to find after a lot of these relationships ended, some of these things I continue to enjoy…but not because I actually liked them. Some of them? Yeah, sure. And I still like them to this day. most of them? Psh. I haven’t gone swimming in a decade. And that was something I “defined” myself as when I was really into it.

Basically. I have hit an identity crisis. Maybe some of you can relate. I don’t know. I don’t know if anyone else has had an identity crisis at 29 years old.

That’s where these last few weeks come in. For the first time in my life, I feel the smallest taste of freedom. Since elementary school, I was either liking a guy, or dating a guy, or breaking up with a guy. I haven't had more than a few days to actually deal with anything internally. All my focus and energy went into trying to figure out who to be, so that person would like me.

But lord have mercy, over the last 3 weeks, I realized how much energy and focus I have. It's like, I have been wasting all this precious energy the last freaking 24 years of my life, trying to become someone I am not, in order to get someone to like me...who would not ultimately be a good match.

What a waste.

But…in the spirit of moving forward, I regret very little. I am proud of coming to this realization before my 30^th birthday. I am proud of myself for seeing this before I am trapped in a marriage where I married a person because I ended up being who he wanted me to be. If I ever get married one day, I want it to be a healthy marriage. Where I know who I am, and he knows who he is...and it just works.

I am so thankful. So thankful to see this where I am now.

Yall wanna hear some cool things?

I recently joined a rock climbing gym. I have started taking Yoga. I have actually started learning how to keep a cleaning rotation at my house (no more only doing dishes once a month! Yay!). I AM LEARNING ITALIAN! I have embraced my curly hair. I have started a new face wash routine where I am utilizing good and natural products. I am saving up money and finding trips to take all through-out the year. I am experiencing true and pure freedom and happiness in my life for the first time, and it's not associated with a man, or a friend, or a family member. I am experiencing happiness for myself.

I am actually coming and blossoming into the person I have always wanted to be. And for the first time…the first time in my entire life…I am no longer painfully single. I am so incredibly happy being single. And can’t wait to see what else I am capable of as a strong independent woman.