bipolar? nope. just a christian.

some days are much harder to believe truth than other days.

like, i KNOW the Lord has a husband for me. i KNOW it. but some days i have a feeling i am going to become Mother Teresa. (not saying i don't want to be, but that's not my path. haha)

i KNOW i am beautiful. but some days i look in the mirror and think, "dang. this is as good as it's gunna get."

i KNOW i have a friends, but some days when no one contacts me, i feel as if no one is around me.

the enemy is trying so hard to attack me right now. haha, sometimes i think that if i were not a christian that is dealing with constant spiritual warfare, i would think i was bipolar. haha

but i got this. :) no doubt. HE's got this. im confident.

"i know whom i have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which i have entrusted to Him until that day."

a couple things.

a couple things were on my heart tonight.

first, if you are in Christ, you are always overqualified for everything. if you don't get a job, it's because HE didn't want you to have it. because if He did, He said He always goes before us. He never tells you no, unless there is a resurrection on the other side.

second, the other day i asked God for a free meal at lunch time. (dumb right? but He said, ask WHATEVER in my name, and it shall be given to you.) so i decided to remind Him of His promise. :)

I went to lunch and, I didn't get a free meal so I was like, whatever. I know He heard me. Haha. So I went home and later at dinner I said, hmm. What should I eat? And I found my chick fil a calendar on the ground. And this year you have to register a card online or something. Well, I registered it and said I'll go get a free meal! Thanks God! Haha. Well, in line The Lord gave me a prophetic word for the person behind me. So I got up to the window after writing it on a piece of paper and told the lady at the window that I was paying for their meal behind me and if she would give them a sheet of paper I would greatly appreciate it! So I paid for their meal, and when I went to pay for mine, the lady said, I'm sorry but it is saying your chickfila card is not registered. And I said, I'm so sorry but I for a fact just registered it about 30 minutes ago. And she said, no worries. What we will do is comp your meal tonight and give you it for free but go check online to see if your card is registered. And if it is, you can come back to get another free sandwich.

Hahaha. God works in such funny ways. I adore Him. There is never a dull moment with Him if you take Him on adventures. He loves that so much!

bring Jesus to work day.

= everyday.

IT IS TRULY AMAZING ME what is happening in my life when I wake up early with the Lord.

this morning i woke up and danced before Him with worship music blasting in my room. i got dressed (had more than enough time to get ready) and walked on into work 5 minutes early :) i went to the back and said, "let's do this Jesus. let's rock this day, hard."

i then had one of the best days ever.

i saw so many friends come through and had great conversations with customers. a regular customer handed their cup to me so i could refill it (a customer i thought had no idea who i was) and he said, "wow. you seriously always look so happy when i come into the store. you always look so happy to see me." with which i replied, "OF COURSE! if it were not for you guys, i wouldn't have a job! so thank you!" hahah.

my boss then told me later on, "annie, i wish i had 30 of you." to which i replied, "don't you DARE wish that!" haha. oh my gosh. even I would not be able to stand 30 Annie McGees. haha. that would be way too much.

Jesus and i rocked it today.

so i came home and got my room ready for my sister to come visit me this weekend, got a shower!!!, got dinner made and still have time to read my book!

He honestly gives you all the time back for the time you gave to Him.

CHALLENGE OF THE WEEK: spend at least ONE morning with Jesus and write a message to me telling me how it was! but don't tell me after you worship with Him, tell me at the end of your day. see how your day gets exponentially better! :) i'm excited to hear all your stories!!

2 blogs in one day? i know i know....

hey readers,

so. need some prayer. i have been looking into this ministry school with Heidi Baker in Mozambique. it's during the summer from june 1-august 6.

it is also every summer, so next summer is a possibility.

i have a prayer request. could you pray with me and pray for the Lord's timing on this? i need to know if i should go this summer, or next summer.

:) thanks guys!!!

mornings.

so. apparently if i don't spend time with Jesus in the morning, then my entire day is completely out of wack.

for the last few days, i have at least woken up an hour before i needed to start getting ready for work, and just turned on worship music while talking, singing, and laughing with Him. then i would pray in my car before work, and ask Him to allow me to have an awesome day.

well, on those days, i leave work feeling as if i am just the luckiest person in the world.

on days like today, i feel like complete crap.

i completely pushed snooze on my alarm this morning and slept until i had to be at work in 20 minutes. i got to work tired, cranky and ready to leave. i even had a coworker ask me if everything was okay because i did not seem like myself.

it made me think.

myself=Jesus with me. like, i am most myself when Jesus is hanging around beside me. and yeah, i know He said He would never leave us nor forsake us, but, if we fail to invite Him into our activities for the day He is sitting there with you rather than being actively involved in your day.

does that make sense? He is always there, but it's US who have to invite Him to be a part of our day.

now, i am not saying that if it is 3:30 it is impossible for Him to get into our day, but think about it. you just spent at least 6 hours "doing things on your own" and probably felt pretty rushed or tired. it's totally possible for Him to come into the rest of your day, but for the next day, don't wait around until 3 or 4 to ask Him to spend your day with you. ask Him at 6 am! ask Him before your situations become problems, or the flow of the day happens. because believe it or not folks, a lot can happen in 24 hours if we have Him. it's almost as if He gives us 48 hours in a day, just to accomplish the things we need to. :)

discipline.

this season, the Lord is teaching me discipline. discipline through doing school work, being on time to things and with things (like work, turning things in on time, meetings, etc), and keeping up with this blog.

i also stopped adderall. i know, ridiculous decision. especially in this season where the Lord is working patiently (very patiently) with me on discipline. the Lord confirmed through many people that i needed to start a detox, for my body to get rid of the drug. so for the last few days i have been doing the master cleanse, which is water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup.

while this cleanse has been super hard, it's been worth it. i am really tired a lot of the time, but it's just another test of discipline. it's mind over matter, and realizing that my dependence is not on food to sustain me. :) almost like when i did the daniel fast last year!

i highly recommend it to anyone wanting to do a cleanse!

worship in the spirit.

i had a question today from someone who didn't know what i meant by saying i worshiped in the spirit the other morning. so i wanted to explain what i meant by that.

in John 4, Jesus talks with a Samaritan woman at the well. after a long back and forth of Jesus pretty much telling her that, "you're right, you don't have a husband. and the man you have now is not your husband." haha. so hinting to her that He was a prophet. (i love this story. SO MUCH compacted into these few paragraphs.)

around 4:23-24 Jesus says, "Yet, a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and His worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth."

okay. hahah. let's unpack all of this. (please, if i am wrong about these things, someone point them out. i love discussions and i would love to hear your take on this scripture)

first: "...a time is coming and has now come..." here He was talking about Him coming to earth ("and has now come"). but the part before ("a time is coming...") He is mentioning at the Holy Spirit. when Jesus left, Holy Spirit came down, so that we could still connect with the father through the spirit. because Jesus explains that God IS spirit, so we must be able to connect with Him in that way.

Jesus also mentions when He ascends into Heaven that, we will do far greater things when He was away. because He knew Holy Spirit was going to be here to help.  that is when the believers were able to perform the miracles that Jesus performed after He left.

Holy Spirit is a part of the trinity, and it's sad to me that a lot of church congregations leave Him out. He is the spirit that connects our spirit with the father, who IS spirit.

so, that is what I meant by worshiping in the spirit. i asked Holy Spirit to connect my spirit. in Romans 8:16 it says, "The Spirit itself bares witness with our spirit that we are the children of God." here, Paul mentions that we have a spirit. when sin entered into mankind, we became sinners. but, when Jesus came, he mended the bridge that connected us to the father.

remember when Jesus was baptized by John? and it said, "the spirit came down on Him."

we all desperately need our spirit to connect with the father. and by worshiping Him in the spirit, we are able to catch a glimpse of the father's heart.

confirmation.

yesterday i woke up to the coolest confirmation ever.

alright, background story. in 2011 (1 semester after i moved to wilmington from boone) i went to the Passion conference in january, for my second time. while there, i was in a small group with some of the coolest people i've ever met. we had such a bonding experience that i spoke to many of them for months/years later. we all kept up on facebook and had messages going back and forth.

one girl in the group told us she was switching her major. so i prayed for her. and the Lord gave me something to tell her. and i did. she ultimately ended up changing her major because my word was confirmation for her.

anyway, i have barely spoken to her since then, but she wrote to me the other day. she told me that she has been reading my blog and that the Lord spoke to her.

alright, another background story:
 a few weeks ago, the second year interns started off our meeting by giving us prophetic words. in a nutshell...
first, someone said, "annie. i see missions for you. not a week or month kind of mission trip, but months and years. living among the people."
then, "annie i see kids. the ministry has something to do with kids.""
then, "i see you finding revelation with God through homeless ministries and people with a lower income. you are like a people magnet. showing God's light through who you are. people are attracted to your personality"
"annie, i also see that you have a spirit like Heidi Baker. and a special calling on your life like her."

pretty cool huh? interesting that they confirmed things in me that the Lord told me a few years ago (missions, kids, living overseas...etc.)

well, this girl from my community group facebook messaged me and told me basically that i had a special gift for healing. to keep pushing through because many people have had breakthroughs many years after starting their healing ministry. also, that she sees me similar to Heidi Baker, and that she got the word "poverty" for me. and that i am called to live among the poor and bring healing and restoration to them. and that i was going to bring "beauty to their lives."

she also confirmed a word that i got a few months ago from a friend. both of these friends gave me the word, "theatre" and that is all they got. neither one of them knew i was pursuing a theatre major for 4 years and ultimately had to give up on that dream when God pointed me in the other direction of nursing/clinical research.

i know this may not sound as cool to you as it did to me, but none of these people know each other. none of them have ever communicated or talked about what they were going to tell me.

that is the prophetic.

faith.

i am so freaking excited to tell you what happened today. i don't even know what it means, but i know it means something.

this morning i did in fact wake up to spend some time with Jesus. i was able to speak in the spirit for about 15 minutes straight and worship God in my prayer language for almost an hour. it was truly amazing, and completely amazing that i was able to focus on that without wanting to fall back asleep and get an extra 10 minutes.

funny part is, i was having such a blast, with tears streaming down my face, that i didn't even want to get out of bed. first time i have ever not wanted to get out of bed because i was having such a good time with the Lord. i actually probably spent too much time and ended up being late for work. haha. whoops.

i got up from my bed, and tried to find my glasses. (little known fact, my eyesight has grown increasingly worse over the last 11 years and i am now more than half way blind. my eye doctor told me i may even be legally blind by the time i am 30 years old.) after trying to find my glasses the scripture where Jesus heals the blind man came to my mind. and i was like, whoa! i'll perform a miracle! 

so i put both hands on my eyes. prayed for a few minutes in my spirit language. opened my eyes, and nothing was better. needless to say, i was super bummed. luckily i found my contacts, and was able to make it out the door without being tooo late for work.

while at work, i received a text from my best friend maggie. sometimes maggie sends me verses and sometimes i send encouraging words to her. just you know, a friend thing. NBD.

her text went as followed, "Mark 10:52, 'Then Jesus said to him, 'Go your way; your faith has made you well.' And immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus on the road."

i was stunned. all i could text back at work was, "uhh. that is so weird."

unfortunately maggie took it as, "what a weird story. why did you send me this? bye."

but that was not it at all. i was so stunned that maggie would send me this random scripture out of all of the bible just to send to me. and that was all she sent. no words to follow up with it, or to forward it. just the scripture.

i am also reading this book called, "When Heaven Invades Earth" for the internship. this chapter i have been stuck on for the past week has all been about faith. which is really funny and odd now that i think about the events of my day today. there was a quote in there that made me think. it said, "Fear of appearing to live in denial is what keeps many from faith. Why is what anyone thinks so important to you that you'd not be willing to risk all to trust God? The fear of man is very strongly associated with unbelief. Conversely, the fear of God and faith are very closely related."

it wasnt because i didn't "pray correctly" or because i didn't have someone who is gifted in healing powers to heal me. it was because of my unbelief. even Jesus could not perform miracles in Nazareth because it says in Matthew 13:58, He could not heal them because of their unbelief. 

JESUS. flipping SON of GOD could not perform miracles in Nazareth. it didn't say, "He didn't want to perform miracles" it said He COULDN'T perform miracles. as in, it wasn't possible at that time because of their unbelief. 

crazy to think that, huh? the reason why we can't perform miracles has a lot to do with unbelief. i fully believe that you can believe in Christ, and yet still have unbelief. 

and the thing is, unbelief only harms us. we could be getting healed left and right, up and down and furthering the kingdom of God and letting it spread like wildfire! just the way Jesus did for His 3 years of ministry. 

but nope. we let the fear of what man will think of us come in the way. how unfortunate.

does anyone else have a problem with this as well? have you ever healed anyone, or even yourself with the power that Jesus said we have, now that we have Holy Spirit? because we do. we harness it. what are you doing with it? 

biking.

today, i worked at starbucks. i meant to wake up early and have a few minutes with the Lord before i began my day, but you know how that goes when 5 extra minutes in bed feels like 5 extra hours. good thing His grace is sufficient, even when i want to sleep in. :) however, tomorrow (or i guess today) i am going to set my alarm for an extra hour to spend with Him. but, i am thinking He is going to wake me up before my alarm goes off.

you know those times when you are so in love, and you know the next day you have plans to get breakfast with the guy (or girl) you are smitten with? don't you ALWAYS wake up at least 5 minutes before your alarm clock goes off? if you can barely sleep at all?

that is kind of how i am feeling right now. i honestly can't wait to spend some sweet precious time with him tomorrow on my porch swing, and drench myself in His Love.

but anyway, after work today i decided to go on a bike ride. it was around 4ish i believe and it was BEAUTIFUL outside. i got my work-out clothes on, did some stretches, got my iPhone, turned on my "21 minute live workout station" on Pandora, and headed out on my favorite orange road bike.

about 2 1/2 minutes later, i pulled over on the side of the road and said, "WHAT IS THIS CRAP I AM LISTENING TO? do i really think i need something like Ke$ha to pump me up for a bike ride? helllllll no. i'm turning on some Jesus Culture." then i prayed, 'Lord, please use this station to pump me up. i am going off of my adderall, so trying to keep up the pace with Chris Tomlin and Hillsong may not cut it. so please, help me.'

i made it to the beach in record timing and plopped myself down on the sand. i carried my bike onto the sand (because i forgot my lock at home and aint no way no how someone is going to steal my bike.) and i ended up laying in the sun. i honestly could not get over how beautiful the sunset was. creation completely overwhelms me.

i always start thinking, the God who created all of this, created me too? He looks at me in even more awe than i look at a sunset. a THOUSAND times more in awe. He looks on me with love and says, "you are MINE."

so i started back on my bike and the song came on, "Amazed" by Desperation Band.

the lyrics go,

"You dance over me

While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
How You love me

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me"

super super simple song.  but man. listening to it when you are already in awe of Him, mind you...the Creator of the Universe, DANCES over you. He SINGS over you. no matter what you have done. no matter what you are going to do. no matter how completely off track you are, whether you read your bible ever, know any kind of scripture, go to a bible study, or even know who He is, or no matter if you EVER come back to Him, He still has an amazing love for you because love is who He IS. it isn't want He "does" or how He acts when He wants to, or because you were "good." no. it's because Love is who He is. God is Love.

once we as humans beings to understand that, we won't have to try and force ourselves to "be obedient" it will just naturally flow out of us. it will naturally flow from this immense love that is shared between creation and it's Creator.

just another saturday.

im starting this new blog. by the way, i hate using capital letters, i love using incorrect punctuation and i love rambling...so if you are an english crazed friend, i sincerely apologize.

for the internship that i am doing this year, one project is to work on something that we have a difficult time with. for me, it's allowing Holy Spirit to do whatever He wants in my life. to lead me in whatever direction He wants. unfortunately, laziness has become a key element in my life. waking up, and laying on the couch while watching boy meets world and eating my chocolate and drinking my coffee sounds like absolute heaven. so of course i don't want to get up and go to barnes and noble and give someone a word. that's too much work. the thing is, God calls us to a much higher standard than that of the world.

my project: to allow Holy Spirit to accompany me the moment i wake up, invite Him to ask me to do whatever gives God glory and make His name famous, and to not hesitate in my decision to walk side by side with Him. moment by moment.

my plan: i don't have one. hahaha. i think that is the point. however, i do plan on seeking Him the moment i wake up. asking Him to give me "activities" or places to go, and completely seek His voice on what i should do.

i know this kind of sounds ridiculous. and you may not understand it fully. neither do i. but i honestly hear Him calling me to do this, because i think something exciting is going to happen.

and that's why i am starting this blog. this is why i have invited you to join me in my journey. first, to keep me accountable. to make sure i am going out and doing what He calls me to do (especially when The Price is Right comes on at 11, and Boy Meets World from 12-2 on MTV 2.) i need your help in encouraging me, and joining me on this quest of that, dare to be great situation.

it's all for Him. it's not about me anymore. and i am honestly seeking the moment where i can fully start understanding that, and living out loud.